Betty's deep :-) x 11/07/12

It's true Betty is as deep as any mine shaft , deeper than any ocean trench , so deep she is fathomless..lol

Life has no point, for Betty. (this is not nihilism as she believes everything has an intrinsic value and should be cared about). and she is not unhappy about it. She just knows she was brought into this world with no other purpose than than to be her mother's child. Her parents had no real plan for her and she does not think they should have. Betty herself has never seen a plan or purpose for herself but she likes to make herself useful and as she is here, there's no reason why she shouldn't plan or have goals, get some satisfaction out of her life in some way, why she should not enjoy life's beauties and pleasures and have as hassle free a time as the world allows.

 So what's the skinny then? well... it's this.

I see dead people....not literally you understand :-)..., not ghosts and stuff ay........ it's a metaphor..lol

What's brought this on Bet? i'll tell ya.... over the last few months i have heard about, read about, seen some unpleasantries amongst my fellow person. Unpleasantries exist everywhere do they not, humans can be fairly unpleasant throughout the world on a daily basis to themselves, each other, the environment we live in but that is not what plays on my mind. The things i have learnt of are on a personal level. What plays on my mind is the difficulty many people have in accepting the past and changing the present/future. 

I saw this platitude on a facebook page, one of several recently 

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This kinda thing :-)

and it summed up many things that puzzle me. Personally , i still cry occasionally about things that went on in my past ...but for none of the above reasons :-) i have felt some of these things it's true.....in the past, fear, pain, anger, shame, regret, mistrust.... but i don't feel them anymore.....not because these feelings are  irrelevant but i have done them and it does me no favours fuelling them.... i am responsible for my life after all . :-)

The thing from my past that makes me cry....is that I saw beautiful, wonderful, lovely, splendid, amazing, great, people whom i truly loved, die before my very eyes, committing suicide ........not literally you understand, ... it's a metaphor lol......i sometimes cry tears of bereavement/loss for these people ....because i had to let go of them , there was no saving them, i tried to, yes i tried  to and i have regretted doing so..but i do not now...i did so because i care about them...but ultimately it was not my place to do so and why should I, it was their choice... .... i liked them, loved them, i want to remember them as they were, , i want to think about the good times we had, i love remembering the fun we had.....  but they are dead and gone, i know that and that's when i cry....

and me? i'm still here :-) xxx


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